Toddler Battles Pastor for Service Supremacy

Toddler Battles Pastor for Service Supremacy

Memphis, TN – Local toddler Alex Hamilton battled Pastor Johnson to a draw this past Sunday in an epic battle for supremacy during the morning worship service.

Pastor Johnson stormed out to an early lead, holding the congregation’s rapt attention during the opening hymn and greeting while Alex read the 26 books his parents had brought to church.

The instant the last book was flung to the floor, Alex’s incessant questions regarding when church was going to be over succeeded in distracting the majority of congregation from the Old Testament, Epistle and Gospel readings.

In an amazing turn of events, Pastor jumped to a commanding lead during the sermon as Alex’s parents produced crayons and a Bible coloring book, which only through the direct intervention of the Almighty held the precocious toddler’s attention for fifteen minutes.

Alex dominated the rest of the service. Pastor Johnson was no match for Alex’s pew kicking, hymnal dropping, and seven attempted escapes from the sanctuary. Ushers intervened in the last escape attempt, one of whom grabbed the speedy toddler as he wrenched open the door to the parking lot in a mad attempt to dash to freedom.

Exchanging greetings after their long-fought battle, the competitors vowed there would be a rematch.



“See you next week, Alex!” said Pastor Johnson, smiling the tired smile of one who has battled his adversary to the point of exhaustion.

“Where are my friends and the toys?” shouted Alex. Trading the offered handshake for a high-five, he dashed off into the crowd, parents chasing close behind.

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