Thousands Arrested! FBI Takes Down Outlaw Lutheran Motorcycle Gang

Thousands Arrested! FBI Takes Down Outlaw Lutheran Motorcycle Gang

Jefferson City, MO – In a series of stunning pre-dawn raids, thousands of outlaw Lutheran motorcycle club members were taken into custody by federal and state authorities.

The arrests, coordinated across twenty-two states, have effectively dismantled the Heretics Motorcycle Club. The Heretics, long embroiled in a bitter dispute with the Catholic motorcycle club Deacons of Death, had recently escalated their campaign of violence and intimidation against Catholics as the 500th Anniversary of the Lutheran Reformation grew closer.

Vandalism of Catholic churches, defacement of Deacons of Death clubhouses, and occasional assaults on Catholic clergy and rival motorcycle club members increased with intensity in advance of the coming Reformation Celebration. The corresponding tension with the Deacons of Death boiled over at the 2017 Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in western South Dakota. In an ugly incident captured on high-definition video, members of the rival clubs shot, stabbed, and beat each other with copies of the Book of Concord and Latin Vulgate, respectively.

FBI Special Agent in Charge Evan Ramirez commented regarding the string of arrests: “We received word of an impending terror attack instigated by the Heretics Motorcycle Club to bomb Catholic churches and Deacons of Death clubhouses in twelve different cities on Reformation Day. Using this and other evidence collected on the the Heretics after years of painstaking undercover work, we were able to plan and execute a series of raids which have effectively dismantled this dangerous criminal organization.”

Agents who raided the Heretics Motorcycle Club locations found caches of automatic weapons, millions of dollars in cash, and crockpot bombs meticulously prepared for detonation.

What do Lutherans have to say about these events? In a statement released earlier today, Pastor Thomas Robertson said, “On behalf of all Lutherans I sincerely apologize for the sinful acts of violence perpetrated against Catholics by these outlaw motorcyclists. They do not represent the Lutheran community at large. And please, kind members of the Deacons of Death motorcycle club, find it in your hearts to forgive, forget, and not burn my church to the ground in retaliation.”

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