Terror Reigns As Pastor Sings Liturgy for the First Time

Terror Reigns As Pastor Sings Liturgy for the First Time

Syracuse, NY – Babies screamed in terror and horrified congregants plugged their ears this past Sunday as Pastor Eric Hanson sang the entire liturgy for the first time.

“Have you ever heard nails being rubbed across a chalkboard?” asked Harold Remington. “I had to put up with that for an hour. I finally took my hearing aids out after the sermon…instant relief!”

Congregation members confirmed this was the first time Pastor Hanson had ventured into singing and chanting since being assigned to the church in 2014.



“He’s a great preacher,” said Delores Hamilton, “and while his singing was so atrocious it gave me pounding migraine headaches, I can tell he put a lot of effort into it.”

After an emergency church council meeting, the Board of Elders determined the best course of action: secretly dispense earplugs to the congregation instead of just telling Pastor his singing is terrible.

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