Stunning Soprano Defeat! Choir Shutdown Ends

Stunning Soprano Defeat! Choir Shutdown Ends

Danville, IL – After 27 days, the longest choir shutdown in history has ended! Stunned sopranos bowed to the inevitable, dropping all demands of massages and manicures and practically begging to be readmitted to the choir in the wake of a breathtaking performance during the church service this morning.

Proving once and for all that the most delightful sound in God’s Creation is the male falsetto, lead tenor Charles Keller drove even the most hardened Lutherans to tears as he sang the soprano solo part of “I Know That My Redeemer Liveth.”

As the sound of Charles’ heavenly falsetto filled the church, women sobbed with unabashed emotion while clutching at their husbands, who struggled to maintain their stoic Lutheran demeanor as long repressed tears of healing streamed silently down their cheeks.


It was a moment of glorious triumph for lead tenor Charles Keller, who had long maintained that the key to ending the shutdown was to unleash the raw emotional power of the male falsetto.

“Delores was all about flying in sopranos from Chicago,” said Charles. “But who needs them, anyway? Personally, I married an alto. Way less drama!”

Following the service, the shocked sopranos were seen begging director Delores Patterson to be allowed back into the choir.

“I said I’d let them back in,” said a victorious Delores, “when they pay for me to get a massage.”

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