Dodge City, KS – In yet another unmistakable Divine Action demonstrating the Almighty’s displeasure with contemporary music, a praise band was hospitalized after enduring a sudden and violent bat attack during their inaugural performance this past Friday.
“Holy Spirit Wind,” a group styling itself as a combination of Chris Tomlin and Casting Crowns, had scarcely opened their set when, with uncanny precision and clear purpose, thousands of bats burst through the stained glass windows and made a beeline for the oblivious band members set up in the sanctuary.
Screams of terror filled the church as the helpless praise band was swarmed by the bat multitude. Working together in intricately coordinated groups, the bats snatched guitars, microphones, and drumsticks out of the band members hands, lifting them to the highest reaches of the vaulted ceiling before dropping them repeatedly to the ground until all were smashed beyond recognition.
“The instant the instruments were destroyed, all the bats disappeared.” exclaimed Jason Anderson, one of the seven people present in the audience. “I’ll tell you what, that’s the last time I go to a contemporary music concert! I took shelter under the pipe organ – it was the only place safe from the bats – weird, huh?”
Statements from the band confirmed the obvious: all are suffering from rabies, are scared to death of bats, and got the message loud and clear – “Holy Spirit Wind” just changed its name to “Spiritus Sanctus Venti,” and will consist of a stringed trio with harpsichord accompaniment.Want the latest news? Follow us on Facebook or Twitter!