Fergus Falls, MN – Lutheran women, normally immune to the frenzy of commercialism (or any form of excess, for that matter), have completely lost their minds over Potluck Perfume.
“My goodness, it’s out of this world!” gushed typically reserved local Lutheran Elaine Richardson. “I’ve never been one for vanity, but when I smelled ‘Easter Sunday Potluck St. Bartholomew’s Lutheran, Winona, MN, 1989,’ I just had to have it! It changed my marriage, if you know what I mean…”
The innovative product, combining modern perfume technology with traditional potluck scents, has completely upended the sensible nature of Lutheran women everywhere. Formerly grounded women of faith are spending hours and even days waiting in the rain and sun for the latest scents, the resulting scenes of chaos making an iPhone debut seem like an afternoon stroll in the woods by comparison.
“The success of Potluck Perfume has surpassed even our wildest predictions,” said Director of Perfume Quality Pastor James Franklin. “Lutheran women are a discerning clientele who have an eye for beauty, a sense of traditional heritage, and an innate knowledge that what really makes a Lutheran man’s heart pound in his chest with unfulfilled desire is the scent of fresh hamburger hotdish casserole.”
But does this new vanity come at too high a cost? Unplanned pregnancies are up over 300% in Potluck Perfume markets, leading many Pastors to call for blanket bans and recalls of Potluck Perfume products.
“Until men and women learn to control their urges, stay far away from this dangerous product,” warned Pastor Donald Jackson. “Now if you excuse me, my wife just texted – she’s at home wearing nothing but ‘Church Picnic St. Matthew’s Lutheran, Eau Claire, WI 1994.’ Got to go!”Want the latest news? Follow us on Facebook or Twitter!