Jefferson City, MO – Outraged worshippers have fled the pews of St. Paul’s Lutheran Church in the wake of sacrilegious and deceptive worship practices.
Unprecedented controversy rocked the church when it became known that the rich melodies of organ music heard each Sunday were, in fact, performed on an electronic piano.
“I’ve demanded to be released from membership,” said soon-to-be former church member Lillian Wilson. “I don’t even know what to believe anymore! We have all been completely betrayed.”
Under pressure from congregants and synod officials, church leadership confirmed that for the last six months, electronic piano music has masqueraded in place of the pipe organ.
“Last spring, the organ suffered from a catastrophic failure of the pneumatic control mechanism which resulted in loss of pitch control across all ranks,” explained Pastor Donald Peterson. “We couldn’t afford the repair bill, so we substituted a pianist until we could save up the money to fix the organ. I sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding. However, in our defense, I must point out that we never intentionally deceived anyone. No member of the congregation ever directly asked me if we were now playing the organ music on a piano.”
The ramifications of the deception continue to magnify. No less than sixteen weddings were performed using the electronic keyboard. Shattered husbands and wives have been left questioning if their marriages are legitimate since the service itself was built on a lie. Families of the deceased struggle with similar doubts. Should my loved one be exhumed and a new funeral conducted with proper pipe organ hymnary?
There are no easy answers to these difficult questions. But if any of you know how to fix an organ, head over to Jefferson City! There are Lutherans in crisis that need your help.Want the latest news? Follow us on Facebook or Twitter!