Lake City, IA – Holy Trinity Lutheran Church has suspended long-time organist Dorothy Evers amidst shocking allegations of musical impropriety.
Dorothy, once a popular organist and fixture of the congregation, recently came under intense criticism after congregants recognized her catchy and upbeat postludes, offertories, and hymn introductions as popular nursery rhymes.
“I was always humming her postludes after church,” said helpless victim Janice Madison. “Then, one Sunday, my husband asked why I was whistling ‘Old MacDonald had a Farm.’ It hit me like a ton of bricks! She’s been deceiving us this whole time!”
Church leadership confirmed the extent of the sacrilege, identifying no less than 67 instances of nursery rhymes being inserted into the worship service.
“Dorothy managed to introduce ‘A Mighty Fortress is Our God’ with ‘Pat-a-Cake, Pat-a-Cake, Baker’s Man.’ Does this woman have no shame!?!” asked an incredulous Pat Richardson, Chairman of the Board of Elders. “And don’t even get me started on last Easter Sunday. Her processional was a combination of ‘Ring Around the Rosie’ and ‘Christ the Lord is Risen Today!’”
It’s a long fall for Dorothy, once revered as Holy Trinity’s favorite organist. With the probe widening by the day, new evidence of impropriety at weddings and funerals is coming to light.
“I asked her to play ‘Canon in D’ for my wedding, but Dorothy said she had a better idea,” sobbed victim Emily Vickers. “I just watched my wedding video again. She had me marching down the aisle to an arrangement of ‘Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush’ and ‘One, Two, Buckle my Shoe.’ The shame is almost too much to bear.”
Church officials confirmed the obvious: Dorothy has been permanently banned as church organist and all services are cancelled until the emergency organ exorcism is done this next Tuesday.Want the latest news? Follow us on Facebook or Twitter!