Lutheran Teachers Emerge from Summer-Long Hibernation

Lutheran Teachers Emerge from Summer-Long Hibernation

Traverse City, MI – School officials reported this past week that the last of St. Bartholomew Lutheran School’s teachers emerged from their summer hibernation and are now preparing for the upcoming school year.

Summer hibernation enables many Lutheran elementary teachers to maintain the frantic pace of teaching, classroom preparation, and completion of 280 other collateral duties throughout the school year while still managing to survive into their 40s.

“When I was young I always figured my teachers were having fun on vacation all summer – I never saw them in church,” said 3rd grade teacher Lindsey Bakersfield. “Now I realize they were all in hibernation! This past year I barely got the grades entered in before I passed out under my desk at school. I set my alarm for a wedding on July 21st, but other than that, I slept the whole summer away. Now I’m all recharged and ready to devote my every waking moment to the children!”



Hibernation, while common in animals such as bears, bats, and mice, is incredibly rare in human beings. Lutheran elementary teachers and one Inuit nation are the only humans known to practice hibernation.

“We save hibernation class until their senior year in college,” said Lutheran professor Dr. James Marlow. “If we mention it any earlier students freak out and withdraw from school. The biggest draw of teaching is summers off, right? If students knew they would have to spend the whole summer sleeping to recover from the trials of the school year, we wouldn’t have any teachers.”

College courses in hibernation teach potential teachers how to carb load as the school year end approaches in preparation for months without regular meals. Teachers stockpile water and food near their hibernation location. While teachers with families often hibernate in their basement or a dark bedroom, many single teachers choose to hibernate in their own classrooms while renting out their apartments for the summer to generate extra income.

So if your fourth grade teacher is looking a little droopy, just give them a week. They’ll come around soon, it takes a while to wake up from a three month nap!

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