‘Lutheran Health Insurance Exemption’ Passes Congress

'Lutheran Health Insurance Exemption' Passes Congress

Washington, DC – In a rare case of bipartisan unity, a measure to exempt all Lutherans from mandatory health insurance requirements passed the Senate 100-0 on Friday.

“This is a perfect example of common sense legislation,” said Senator Richard Hampton. “The evidence is plain and clear: Lutherans don’t need health insurance.”

A four year-long, $385 million study by the federal government confirmed that true Lutherans visit the doctor 95% less than the typical American. Lutherans everywhere are healthier, can tolerate a greater amount of pain and discomfort, and are so frugal that paying even the smallest co-pay or deductible causes greater suffering than the actual illness in question.

“I’m overjoyed!” said Eloise Jacobson. “I haven’t been to the doctor in twenty-four years! Why should I be paying someone for health insurance?”

For the rare Lutheran who hasn’t saved enough of an emergency fund to pay for a major surgery in cash, high deductible plans are available at a reasonable cost.

In related news, the same survey of Lutherans confirmed that the first thing they would do if elected to Congress would be to balance the budget.

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