Washington, DC – In a rare case of bipartisan unity, a measure to exempt all Lutherans from mandatory health insurance requirements passed the Senate 100-0 on Friday.
“This is a perfect example of common sense legislation,” said Senator Richard Hampton. “The evidence is plain and clear: Lutherans don’t need health insurance.”
A four year-long, $385 million study by the federal government confirmed that true Lutherans visit the doctor 95% less than the typical American. Lutherans everywhere are healthier, can tolerate a greater amount of pain and discomfort, and are so frugal that paying even the smallest co-pay or deductible causes greater suffering than the actual illness in question.
“I’m overjoyed!” said Eloise Jacobson. “I haven’t been to the doctor in twenty-four years! Why should I be paying someone for health insurance?”
For the rare Lutheran who hasn’t saved enough of an emergency fund to pay for a major surgery in cash, high deductible plans are available at a reasonable cost.
In related news, the same survey of Lutherans confirmed that the first thing they would do if elected to Congress would be to balance the budget.Want the latest news? Follow us on Facebook or Twitter!