Scottsbluff, NE – In a desperate move certain to land him in the Lutheran Frugality Hall of Fame, local father Daniel Jacobson has adopted an unprecedented strategy to save electricity: placing his breaker panel under lock and key while securing power to most of his house.
“My electric bill for June was 30% higher than the month before!” exclaimed the outraged father. “I kept turning off the air conditioning to save money, but somehow it kept kicking back on. No one would admit to it, so I took matters into my own hands. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, right?”
Adopting a bold strategy worthy of the prophet Elijah, Daniel constructed a cage around the main circuit breaker panel made of heavy gauge steel and secured with four separate padlocks. Then, he took decisive action in a way eerily similar to the great patriarch Father Abraham. Throwing caution to the wind, he secured the air conditioning breaker and adopted a series of rolling blackouts across the home.
“July’s bill is on track to be 75% less than average!” said the elated father. “I keep the air conditioning secured unless the temperature exceeds 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Then, I just rotate electrical usage to various areas of the house based on needs, not wants.”
A prominently posted schedule lists the electrical usage availability each day. The kitchen breaker is energized for three times a day at mealtimes. The living room is secured all day until 30 minutes after sunset, after which electricity will be available for one hour until bedtime. Bedroom electricity is energized for 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes at night. Bathrooms are kept energized 24 hours per day, but all outlets are covered to prevent any unauthorized usage.
While the money saving benefits are obvious, has this method gone too far? What do Mrs. Jacobson and their three children have to say about it? Tellingly, none of the other family members were available for comment, as they were all at the public library charging their phones and cooling off in the air conditioning.
What’s next for Mr. Jacobson? With scarcely a pause, he answers: “The water bill! I’ll be able to cut it in half by next week.”Want the latest news? Follow us on Facebook or Twitter!