Milwaukee, WI – St. Bartholomew Lutheran Church, already reeling after the sudden death of organist Brian Hamilton, announced today that veteran organist Elaine Fischer has been fired amidst widespread allegations of improper music selection.
An organist at St. Bartholomew for over 30 years, Elaine had recently come under intense criticism after parishioners discovered that the catchy offertories and postludes she injected into worship included organ adaptations of rock anthems such as Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” and “Carry on Wayward Son” by Kansas.
“I practically bounced out of the sanctuary during her postludes,” said Josephine Coleman. “Then I find out they were actually rock songs? She’s betrayed this congregation and desecrated our sacred liturgical traditions.”
Church leadership confirmed the scale of the sacrilege, stating they had uncovered no less than 42 secular rock songs incorporated into services.
“Elaine deceived us all,” said Pastor Joseph Henderson. “She told me “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” was an ancient German spiritual. We played it at three funerals!”
Elaine, it seems, will land on her feet after her sudden dismissal. Her newly announced “Organ Rock Legends” concert series sold out in minutes on Ticketmaster.
St. Bartholomew Lutheran, on the other hand, is in desperate need of organists. So if you have no fear of being thrown off a church balcony and can keep your inner rock star under control, apply today!Want the latest news? Follow us on Facebook or Twitter!