Contemporary Music Blamed in Palm Sunday Donkey Rampage

Contemporary Music Blamed in Palm Sunday Donkey Rampage

Fort Dodge, IA – Screams of terror, loud braying and the sound of electric guitars filled the air this morning as Clarence the donkey rampaged through Crown of Life Lutheran Church.

The normally docile donkey, who had processed flawlessly over the past twelve Palm Sundays, was apparently spooked by loud feedback as the church’s praise band started the introduction to “All Glory, Laud, and Honor.”


“I heard a loud squeal from the speakers, then Clarence went crazy!” said member Abigail Johnson. “He bucked off Pastor Newman, trampled across three pews, then threw himself out the stained glass windows into the parking lot. Never seen anything like it!”

Just when the congregation thought it was all over, Clarence came bursting through the doors again, seeking retribution against the praise band. After clattering up the stairs to the balcony, he set upon the band members with righteous fury.

“They didn’t stand a chance,” sobbed Elaine Hamilton. “Clarence was blocking the only exit!”

Forced to take shelter behind the pipe organ, the band members cowered in fear as Clarence smashed their instruments to pieces before escaping into the bright sunshine and sweet freedom.

In unrelated news, fifteen different congregations have requested that Clarence attend their next contemporary music services.

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