Communion Drive Through a Tremendous Success

Communion Drive Through a Tremendous Success

Auburn, KY – Due to skyrocketing interest and unprecedented demand, First Lutheran Church is adding a second communion drive through window and offering extended hours this Christmas season.

“That whole hour long church thing just seemed a little inefficient,” said Pastor Charles Franklin. “Now, instead of being forced to endure painfully awkward sermons, dirge-like organ playing, and stunted conversation during the fellowship hour, our members have the option to just take drive through communion.”

The new pilot program has exploded with popularity. The premise is simple: using a drive through window connected to the church sacristy, members can receive absolution from sins, the printed sermon, and even the Lord’s Supper! In exchange for a $100 donation, members can experience all the benefits of an hour long worship service in one two minute visit – without ever having to leave the comfort of their car.

“Gone are the days of fighting fighting for parking, walking into church and seeing someone in my pew, and having to deal with that chatterbox Mrs. Roberts at the morning coffee hour,” said recently converted drive through communicant Jacob Richardson. “I get all the benefits of the church service without ever having to step foot inside! And if I slip Pastor an extra $20, he gives me the cliff notes version of the sermon!”

“Traditional church attendance is down,” admitted Pastor Franklin, “but drive through visits are through the roof! It’s actually quite refreshing to only have to deal with people for a few minutes a week. We had to hire another Pastor to keep up with the demand. I could barely fill the church halfway on a Sunday – but now I’ve got cars stretched around the block! We were going to add on to the fellowship hall, but I think we’ll just buy a new menu board for the drive through instead.”

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