Church Collapses on Praise Band During First Performance

Church Collapses on Praise Band During First Performance

Oakland City, IN – In perhaps the clearest Divine message regarding the Almighty’s opinion of contemporary music, a praise band was fatally crushed in a tragic church building collapse during their inaugural performance on Friday.

The Christian contemporary group, “Jesus First,” had just begun their performance, when, with almost uncanny precision, the roof of the church split open at the seams, fatally raining down sheets of plaster, wooden beams, and shingles onto the helpless band members below. Miraculously, no one in the crowd of 14 people suffered even minor injuries, although the church itself was almost completely destroyed. Most tellingly, the only structure of the church to escape damage was the pipe organ.

“I’ve learned my lesson,” said Pastor Thomas Backer. “May the sound of guitar, drums, and keyboard never fill our church…that is, our rebuilt church, again.”

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