Christmas Eve Chaos! Contemporary Candlelight Service Sparks Riot

Christmas Chaos! Contemporary Candlelight Service Sparks Riot

Harrodsburg, KY – Six contemporary praise band members were seriously injured and the church sanctuary burned to the ground in the wake of a Christmas Eve riot at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church.

Christmas Eve joy turned to righteous fury as praise band members were seen setting up guitars, sound equipment, and a drum set in the darkened church before the candlelight service. Angry murmurs turned to shouts of rage as the band commenced a contemporary rendition of “Oh, Come, All Ye Faithful” full of incomprehensible harmonies and no less than four separate key changes.

The congregation snapped as the praise band began playing an electric guitar / steel drum arrangement of “Silent Night” in lieu of the traditional “Stille Nacht.” Hymnals flew through the air as band members ducked for cover. Tragically, several discarded candles ignited a fire near the altar. As screaming congregants fled in terror, fire spread and consumed the sanctuary.

“What a tragedy!” exclaimed church member Bruce Reynolds. “Who in their right mind combines contemporary music and a candlelight Christmas service!?! At least the band’s equipment was destroyed in the fire. Every cloud has a silver lining.”

The fire marshal’s report was crystal clear: another easily preventable tragedy caused by contemporary church music.

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