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February 16, 2019
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News Bulletin

Family Hospitalized After Sitting in Front Pew
News Bulletin

Family Hospitalized After Sitting in Front Pew

February 9, 2019February 9, 2019 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - 3 Comments.

Pine Bend, MN – Six members of the Jackson family are still hospitalized in critical condition after sitting in the front row this past Sunday. Witnesses confirmed the unthinkable. Ignoring …

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Desperate Family Burns Sunday School Crafts to Survive Polar Vortex
News Bulletin

Desperate Family Burns Sunday School Crafts to Survive Polar Vortex

February 2, 2019February 2, 2019 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - Leave a Comment

Big Falls, WI – Desperate times called for truly desperate measures. Near certain tragedy was averted this past Wednesday when the heat went out at the Miller’s house. “It got …

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Organist Hospitalized in Tragic Cold Weather Injury
News Bulletin

Organist Hospitalized in Tragic Cold Weather Injury

January 30, 2019January 30, 2019 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - 3 Comments.

Shullsburg, WI – The recent polar vortex has claimed another victim. Longtime organist Edna Peterson has been hospitalized after being found frozen to the organ pedals this morning. “Poor Edna! …

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Stunning Soprano Defeat! Choir Shutdown Ends
News Bulletin

Stunning Soprano Defeat! Choir Shutdown Ends

January 27, 2019January 27, 2019 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - Leave a Comment

Danville, IL – After 27 days, the longest choir shutdown in history has ended! Stunned sopranos bowed to the inevitable, dropping all demands of massages and manicures and practically begging …

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Gateway Drug? Snowblower Usage a Danger to Spiritual Health
News Bulletin

Gateway Drug? Snowblower Usage a Danger to Spiritual Health

January 19, 2019January 19, 2019 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - Leave a Comment

Rocky Ridge, OH – As snow blankets much of the country, shocking new research released this past week revealed what many Lutheran have long suspected: that snowblower usage is a …

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Entire Congregation Falls Asleep During Sermon
News Bulletin

Entire Congregation Falls Asleep During Sermon

January 12, 2019January 12, 2019 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - 2 Comments.

St. Louis, MO – Perhaps the sermon on Numbers chapter 2 was one step too far! Pastor Harold Bremmer’s entire congregation fell asleep during the sermon this past Sunday. “I …

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Choir Shutdown Update: Emergency Declaration Imminent?
News Bulletin

Choir Shutdown Update: Emergency Declaration Imminent?

January 10, 2019January 10, 2019 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - 2 Comments.

Danville, IL – As the unprecedented St. Mark’s Lutheran Church choir shutdown enters its tenth day, Director Delores Patterson is said to be contemplating the unthinkable: declaring a choir emergency. …

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Unprecedented Choir Shutdown Continues: No End in Sight
News Bulletin

Choir Shutdown Continues: No End in Sight

January 5, 2019January 5, 2019 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - 5 Comments.

Danville, IL – Not even the power of the altos could prevent this disaster! Local choir director Delores Patterson confirmed on Tuesday that the St. Mark’s Lutheran Church choir is …

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Top Stories

  • Family Hospitalized After Sitting in Front Pew
    Family Hospitalized After Sitting in Front Pew
  • Hundreds Hospitalized After New Hymn Introduced in Church
    Hundreds Hospitalized After New Hymn Introduced in Church
  • Entire Congregation Falls Asleep During Sermon
    Entire Congregation Falls Asleep During Sermon
  • Stunning Soprano Defeat! Choir Shutdown Ends
    Stunning Soprano Defeat! Choir Shutdown Ends
  • Organist Hospitalized in Tragic Cold Weather Injury
    Organist Hospitalized in Tragic Cold Weather Injury




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