Contemporary Music Blamed in Palm Sunday Donkey Rampage
Fort Dodge, IA – Screams of terror, loud braying and the sound of electric guitars filled the air this morning as Clarence the donkey rampaged through Crown of Life Lutheran …
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Dozens Hospitalized in Pew Related Tragedy
Valentine, NE – Dozens remain hospitalized after a lone visitor set off a domino effect of pew related casualties this morning. After arriving at church shortly before 9 AM, the …
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Church Choir Collusion? Sopranos Await Highly Anticipated Report
Scottsbluff, NE – Choir Director Eleanor Peterson and local sopranos are waiting with grim anticipation as word spread yesterday that the collusion investigation into the St. Mark’s Lutheran Church choir …
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Sunday School Admissions Scandal Rocks Lutheran Churches
Champaign, IL – 50 people have been arrested and scores more excommunicated in the wake of an unprecedented Sunday School bribery and cheating scandal uncovered this week. “Forget about Ivy …
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BREAKING NEWS: Organist Arrested After High Speed Police Chase
Lafayette, IN – Local organist Irma Jacobson is being held without bail after leading police on a high speed chase on her way to church this morning. ‘I’ve never seen …
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New Report: Contemporary Music Stunts Brain Development
Hutchinson, KS – Cutting edge research released from the Lutheran Music Institute this past week confirmed what many Lutherans have long suspected: contemporary music poses not only a spiritual danger …
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Local Soprano’s Church Mailbox Collapses Under Weight of Valentines
Huron, SD – Local soprano Jennifer Henning confirmed last week that her church mailbox was completely destroyed due to the sheer volume of cards and love letters received from infatuated …
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“Potluck Emergency?” Congregation in an Uproar After Emergency Declaration
Great Bend, KS – Church President Harold Richardson provoked a firestorm of outrage after declaring a congregational emergency late Friday night. “We’ve got less than 9 days until the church’s …
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